All tips and tricks listed on this blog post are from personal experience and results are in no way fact or guaranteed. Individual results may vary based on your own experience.
So- I thought of titling this blog post “20lbs Down” or “How I lost 20lbs in 6 months”. But I realized this post is about a lot more than that. The past 6 months weren’t spent just working on managing my weight or eating healthy or working out constantly. I spent that time working on myself internally, too. 2020 is been a hard year for a lot of people. People lost their jobs, lost their businesses, their way of life. They lost their family members. Hell, some people lost their sanity in the process. What I find so funny about 2020 is while people complain about how horrible it was and how much they “lost”; no one really takes the time to talk about what they gained. Don’t get me wrong, that statement isn’t meant to be dismissive to all of the horrible circumstances people went through this year alone. I just wanted to bring to the forefront that “with every rainbow, first comes rain”. With 2020 being the “rain”, it brought a journey to bettering myself.
This blog post is going to be a little different. More of a “letter to myself” type of post. I am not trying to give you advice on “how to lose 20lbs, be happier, healthier and kick ass at life!” Like, AT ALL. This is more of a “Hey Lindsey, this is what you accomplished this year, and I am so proud of you” type of post.
April 16th, 2020. This is the day I had a breakdown, sat in front of the mirror and cried. I wasn’t just crying because I had “let go” of myself. I wasn’t just crying because I was SO SICK AND TIRED of being in quarantine and locked up in this house/grounded from the world. I was crying because I didn’t even know who I was anymore. I had let ME go. I was living this life day to day just going through the motions. Worrying about if someone liked me, if they paid attention, if what I said made them happy or made them mad or if they were talking about me behind my back. I wasn’t “happy”. I know you are probably like WTH girl you just got married to your best friend, you just got a new car, you just started a blog and are trying to “live your dream”. These things are all true. And these things had nothing to do with the way I was feeling. I was living my life for others. Not me.
I was becoming very depressed. For multiple reasons. I am not saying this is exactly what contributed to my weight gain, but I’m sure it didn’t help. Cody and I got married in September 2019 and before I even got to the reception the question of “when are you going to get pregnant” was being asked. Shit- it was being asked before we were even engaged. I never realized how hard I would take those questions. I never realized they were “bad” questions to ask a woman until being in that position. We were SO excited to finally have the peace of mind of being married and starting a family. To be honest we thought it would happen right away. I had been off birth control for over a year at that point (for reasons we just wont even get into because that topic is so taboo). We both figured it was our time. We wanted to start right away, we had been together for so long we didn’t see the point in waiting any longer. But, God didn’t have that in the plans for us at that point. For someone who is a type 1, type A, Libra, control freak, this did not set well with me. The fact that we weren’t getting pregnant in the time frame that we pictured was hard on me. Not just because of my “I have a plan for everything” personality type, but for me as a woman. I felt (feel) guilty. I became VERY depressed. I would talk about it with some friends and with Cody obviously but nothing they said (say) helps. There is SO MUCH pressure. YES, I want a child, but I was at the point of “damn, can I just get pregnant already so people will stop asking me why it’s taking so long!”
*I understand that all TTC journeys are different and that some are longer than others and some are shorter than others, I am just sharing my feelings during my journey*
Starting WWAB was the first step to finally doing something for ME. To be honest, I really needed something to take my mind off not being able to get pregnant and my constant need to please everyone. I have wanted to start this “platform” for years. YEARS. I even found a post the other day from my Facebook memories. It was from 8 years ago and I wrote “If I started a blog what should I call it?” 8 YEARS AGO. I was too scared then. Too worried about if it would be considered “lame” or too “try-hard”. I was only 19/20 years old then. My entire life was consumed with pleasing people and making people like me and want to hang out with me. With being “cool”. EW. I had this feeling that THIS was finally my time.
I brought it up to Cody a few times over the years. I would show him a post from a bloggers Instagram page and be like “look I want to do this”. To that he would say, “then do it, baby”. I would say no and go about life. Then it came to the point of this FEELING. More of an “I NEED to do this”. I was scared. I didn’t tell anyone but Cody for the longest time. I created the IG page so I could have the handle I wanted. Sitting there reserved for me for when I would finally bite the bullet and just go live. Weeks. I sat on it for weeks. Not telling a soul because I just KNEW I would get made fun of. But then I realized one day. I don’t give a shit. Sorry. But, the truth is- people will always talk about you behind your back. You could do everything in your power to prevent this but they will. Some of it may come from jealousy, some may come from just simply not liking you or wanting to see you succeed. Tip #1- the only person you need to worry about making happy is yourself.
This is where we go into my weight-loss. Because of Tip #1. Putting myself first was the best thing I could have ever done. For myself and for my marriage. You know the saying “how can you love someone else if you don’t first love yourself” –something like that. It is very true. Your happiness and LOVE needs to come from within. As cheesy as that sounds, it is true. I didn’t love myself. I barely liked myself. Hell- I barely knew myself. I had spent most my life wanting others to like me and doing what they did, who the hell was Lindsey? The day I sat there in the mirror and cried I recorded a few stories that I eventually deleted, for obvious reasons. It was basically me sitting there talking about how I don’t even recognize myself anymore. I am unhappy with how I look, and feel. Physically, mentally, emotionally. I recorded that with intentions of posting it to hold myself accountable. One of those “don’t talk about it, be about it” moments. I never posted it. I was so embarrassed. WWAB was only a few weeks old and I was NOT ready to be that vulnerable with y’all. (lol how the times have changed) That is the day I took my “before picture”. That is the day a light went off in my head and I decided to take control of MY life. April 16th, 2020. The day I began a journey to bettering myself.
Now- I am sure you are all here for the deets of how I lost 20lbs. Shoot, I would be too. But honestly, that number really isn’t important. Why? Because my number is going to be different than your number. What worked for me is going to be different than what works for you. THE NUMBER ISN’T WHAT MATTERS. But, since I know the question will be asked I will share what I did.
Cardio.
A whole lot of it. I downloaded the Peloton app and went to work. Backstory- I HATE running. HATE it. I used to try everything I could to get out of it in high school. Back then, it was torture. It wasn’t until I realized that those 20, 30, 45 minute runs were actually very therapeutic. I wasn’t staring at my phone the whole time comparing myself to others or scrolling through photos aimlessly wishing I had so and so’s bikini body. I was simply taking that short period of time out of my day to dedicate to myself. I took that time to push myself. I would do X amount of miles one day and strive for a higher amount the next. I would eventually be challenging my own self because I knew the only person I wanted to beat, was me. Once I started to see a little difference in my mood, weight, skin, is when I really was like WOW. This is working. And all I am doing is scheduling ME time essentially.
Intermittent fasting.
Is this the healthiest method to lose weight, IDK. Did I research it, nope. I had heard about it from a couple friends and decided ya know what why not. Fun fact, I hate diets. I hate any form of someone or something telling me what I can and can’t do. I am an angry SOB on a diet. I love food and I love cooking and I didn’t want to feel like I had to follow these strict rules in order to see a difference. I figured this was the best route for me, and I was somewhat already doing it by accident. With working from home I would catch myself just sipping on coffee until about 10:30, I would go for my runs at lunch time and then when I got back I would shower and make lunch. Before I knew it 12 noon hit and I was finally eating my first meal of the day.
*AGAIN I AM NOT SAYING THIS IS HEALTHY OR WHAT YOU SHOULD DO I AM JUST SHARING WHAT I DID AND WHAT WORKED FOR ME*
I generally always cook dinner by 6:30-7 and we are done eating before 8. Just out of habit and the fact that I hate late dinners. (if you want to learn more about intermittent fasting and all the “rules” here is a great article with more info from people who actually know what they’re talking about: https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/intermittent-fasting-guide) So, by creating a habit basically I was following the 16/8 method. Fast for 16 hours, eat during your 8 hour window. When it came/comes to weekend I let loose. Generally we make a decent sized breakfast on Saturday mornings and then eat lunch and dinner. Again- I don’t like rules. I drank my coffee with Splenda and creamer, I drank alcohol. I did this “diet” on MY terms. Tip #2- Do what works for YOUR lifestyle.
That is literally it y’all. Could I have lost the weight faster if I followed a strict diet and workout routine? Yeah, probably. But I knew if I did it that way I would have never stuck with it and would never see the results I am seeing today. I know you are probably done reading by now but we haven’t even gotten to the best part of my journey to better myself. Tip #3- LEARN TO SAY “NO”. Literally. You do you, boo boo.
I literally started putting myself first. ME. What do I want. What will make ME happy. I had found a whole new confidence with having WWAB and I liked it. It obviously helped that I was starting to see weight loss results and that was making me even more happy. It also helped that I had this as a distraction from the constant worry of “will I ever get pregnant”. I began to kind of back off from being so invested in other people and their lives. Not to sound like a *biotch* here but I figured out that I needed to take more time for myself rather than others. How was I supposed to work on bettering my life if I was so worried about making sure everyone else was happy first. Now, my husband is a different story, lol. Because I will go to the ends of the Earth for that man to make sure he is happy. I am more focusing on the people you surround yourself with. Yes, I still take the time to be a good friend and make it to most birthdays and the get togethers and the everything else. But I have also learned it is okay to say “no”. That was one of the hardest parts. I never want to just let someone down or make them feel like I don’t care. But I also was realizing that making it to every single event and doing everything that was always asked of me was slowly wearing me down. I used to carry this guilt of “I was invited so I HAVE to go”. Honestly, I still feel that way a little bit. But I also take into account that… I really don’t want to go, lol. Sometimes I just want to sit at home in my PJs all day and do nothing. That’s ok! And it’s okay to not have a real “excuse” of why I can’t make it to something. This one is going to be an ongoing battle with myself but this is a journey and well, a journey never really ends, does it?
Am I still dealing with the same pressures of TTC, yes. Am I letting it consume me, I don’t think so. There are days where I will break down. Generally, if someone asks me a certain questions or insinuates that it’s my fault. I am still sensitive about it and I think I will always be until I have a sweet baby in my arms (God willing). To be honest WWAB has probably been one of the best “distractions” from the pressure I felt (feel). I was able to take a step back from that negative energy and spend my time and energy on something positive. Along with WWAB I put my focus on bettering myself physically. I feel like I finally have somewhat control of my life again. Or maybe even for the first time ever. I am doing things on my terms. Working on myself. Day by day. It is amazing the confidence that comes from just simply putting yourself first.
If you made it this far I applaud you! LOL, really. My most personal post yet. Not really filled with the “tips and tricks” you are accustomed to. But to be honest writing this was so therapeutic. Reflecting on those hard times and celebrating the little victories is really what it’s all about. So- I challenge you. Take the time to write down 3 little victories in your life. It could be daily, weekly, monthly. However you want it. But do it. Celebrate YOU. Do something for you. If you do, tag me in it. I want to celebrate with you! I want to be your hype man and your biggest cheerleader. We can do this together!
Want more WWAB? Check out my latest Amazon Finds! Don’t forget to share this post on Pinterest! Also, tag me in your posts and give me a follow on Instagram (@wifewithabudet) & like my Facebook page, I love making new friends!
